A to Z: C is for Creeper, and Christian Santos

I am currently taking part of the April A to Z Challenge! During this month, I am writing a single story, building each day off of the previous one. To get the story from the beginning, start here and work on up… 

The Boy was an insignificant part of Annie’s life for a long time. So insignificant, in fact, that Annie couldn’t remember when she’d met him — not because they’d been so young but because he’d been irrelevant. He wasn’t irrelevant for any good reason; they both just tended to be the kind of people that kept to themselves. Nope, Christian Santos never did anything that would bring extra attention his way, never caused any kind of commotion that would make anyone take a second look.

He was beautiful, really. One of those boys that was almost too pretty, with chiseled cheek bones and pretty lips. A mop of thick, black hair contrasted his ivory skin, and a small dimple rested in the middle of his chin. Annie remembered when they’d hit high school and he began to turn from a gawky, spidery thing  into something that more closely resembled a man. For a few months many of the starry-eyed girls who were swept away with daydreams of love and boys tried to get his attention, but he never acknowledged anyone. Quickly the attention fizzled and he melted back into the periphery, a brooding wallflower that garnered no scrutiny.

So it happened that late one afternoon, Annie had just finished her shift at the local fast food joint. It was ten days until graduation, and she was counting every one of them; In fact, Annie had just given MackDaddy’s her two-weeks notice and was presently daydreaming of flying to faraway places. She hated walking to the bus stop from here, it was a long walk and the streets were dreary and gray. A short cut lie through a parking lot behind a building on the west side, but it was dark and abandoned, and nightfall was quickly approaching. Against her better judgement, she decided to race the encroaching darkness and made a beeline for the lot.

She could feel the eyes on her before she could hear the footsteps. A slow prickle raised the hairs on her arms and her neck as she fought the urge to turn and survey the desolation behind her. She was more than halfway across the lot and she began to run, slowing down only as her feet hit the sidewalk on the opposite side of the boxy building. A streetlight delivered a soft glow into the glum twilight, and people scattered the street. She risked a quick glance behind her shoulder, catching sight of a greasy man who she’d served earlier at MackDaddy’s. He was a regular there and always gave her a weird feeling. He caught her eye and licked his lips, making no attempt to pretend he hadn’t been following her. She abruptly turned and hurried toward her bus stop.

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6 thoughts on “A to Z: C is for Creeper, and Christian Santos

  1. There is a lot of pattern in your sentences. Try reading your story out loud and see if you can hear it. Break your sentence structure up. Don’t start with names too often.

    • Thanks so much for the feedback/ critique! It’s welcome and I’ll check that. This has been totally unplanned for me, just sitting at the computer after work/ kids bedtime every night and hammering it out. I haven’t re-read or refined anything, but I will keep my eye on that for sure. I know nothing!

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